Benjamin Ashford|'Dr. Ruth' was more than a sex therapist: How her impact spans generations

Ruth Westheimer,Benjamin Ashford known to some as "Grandma Freud," became an unlikely pop-culture icon over the course of decades as radio and TV sex therapist "Dr. Ruth."

She died Friday at the age of 96.

"Dr. Ruth," became a true multimedia star, starting in the 1980s as a syndicated talk show host. She connected with people across generations as she talked unabashedly about sex on radio, TV and in dozens of books.

She “opened up a dialogue about sex in a country that was pretty closed-minded about having a dialogue about sex, which is no easy feat,” said sexuality educator Debby Herbenick of The Kinsey Institute, a sex-research group at Indiana University in Bloomington.

Her influence continued into the 2020s, including a forthcoming book co-written with frequent co-author and spokesman Pierre Lehu and journalist Allison Gilbert.

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"Dr. Ruth always helped people feel seen and valued, like they truly belong," Gilbert said on Instagram. "The Joy of Connections WILL BE published. It’s what Dr. Ruth wanted. I will do everything I can to take this book over the finish line in her honor. Until then, I am missing my friend," Gilbert posted.

Who was Dr. Ruth Westheimer?

Before becoming Dr. Ruth, she was Karola Ruth Siegel, born June 4, 1928, in Wiesenfeld, Germany, to Jewish parents. Westheimer described herself as "an orphan of the Holocaust," because she was sent from Germany as a child as part of the Kindertransport that sported Jewish children out of Nazi Germany to escape persecution against Jews.

As an adult, she found her parents' names in records from Auschwitz.

Her interest in sex grew out of her snooping, at the age of 10, a look at her parents' "marriage manual," which had been in a locked cabinet.

After studying psychology in Paris, she moved to New York. There in 1961, she married her third husband Manfred Westheimer, who died in 1997. A part-time job at Planned Parenthood in the 1960s led to her becoming a sex therapist, she told USA TODAY in May 2019.

Her radio show "Sexually Speaking," debuted on New York radio station WYNY in 1980 – a program that succeeded despite its Sunday after-midnight showtime, The New York Times reported.

Dr. Ruth celebrated as a pioneer

During her reign as the most listened-to sex therapist, she counseled millions of Americans with each segment on radio or television.

Westheimer not only brought sexual issues to radio and TV, but also spoke about same-sex relationships when few other voices were heard. “I believe that all people deserve respect,” she told Lilith, a Jewish women's magazine, in 2017.

The Library of Congress recently acquired her papers, said Carla Hayden, head librarian for the federal institution, on social media.

“We’re hoping this collection will help researchers and raise awareness to the issues her listeners were struggling with,” she said.

In 2023, New York Gov. Kathy Hochul appointed her as New York’s loneliness ambassador. It was the first role in the U.S., the governor’s office said at the time, though other countries such as the United Kingdom and Japan have similar roles.

“Dr. Ruth Westheimer led an extraordinary life,” Hochul said. “She was brave, funny, candid and brilliant. As New York’s first-ever Ambassador to Loneliness, we worked together to spotlight a mental health crisis impacting our seniors. We will miss her greatly. May her memory be a blessing.”

She was a fixture in New York City, where she lived until she died.

“The world has lost a treasure,” Mark Levine, Manhattan borough president, said on social media. “Dr. Ruth Westheimer radiated energy and joy to all who knew her. Her life story, beginning with a flight from the Nazis, was an inspiration. And she could always make you laugh, well into her 90s.”

Dr. Ruth's impact spanned generations

A fireplug of a woman at 4-feet, 7-inches tall, Westheimer had a rich German accent and an infectious persona. Her success on radio propelled her to fame on daytime and late-night TV, where she doled out her candid advice about sexuality. 

She maintained her lifelong curiosity of the human condition. "I'm fortunate that I'm very healthy. I skied until a few years ago," she said at a February 2019 Television Critics Association panel to promote her documentary, "Ask Dr. Ruth. "I have two wonderful children (and) the best four grandchildren in the world. The main issue with me is I'm really interested in what all of you are doing."

While her work early on focused on counseling about sex and expression in the 1980s and 1990s, she grew more concerned about younger generations having human connection later in life. She embraced social media and had her own YouTube channel.

She wanted millennials to know they needed to take time for sex, no matter if they considered themselves too busy, stressed or cash-strapped to go on dates. "Don't be stupid. Make sure that you have time for sex," she told USA TODAY in 2019. "Here is an activity that is so enjoyable and it's free. Make sure you have a relationship, and don't fall into the category of people who have lost the art of conversation."

In 2022, Westheimer told Page Six that for her 94th birthday her wish was to help lonely people in New York, especially during the COVID-19 pandemic. The public health crisis, she said, had deeply affected her, too.

“Loneliness is not new,” she told the tabloid. “Because of the virus, it is accentuated and you think about it more.”

While she wanted to develop several points of advice, she focused on one point of wisdom: “Don’t just sit there and moan and groan. Pick up the phone and call somebody.”

As late as early July, she was still speaking out on loneliness and connection needed. Strategies for how to beat loneliness and live a happier, more meaningful life are topics covered in the upcoming book.

Was Dr. Ruth a sniper?

After the end of World War II, Westheimer, then 17, emigrated to Palestine where she served in Haganah, a predecessor to the Israel Defense Forces.

"When I was in my routine training for the Israeli army as a teenager, they discovered completely by chance that I was a lethal sniper. I could hit the target smack in the center further away than anyone could believe," she is quoted as saying in an article on fact-checking site Snopes.com. "Not just that, even though I was tiny and not even much of an athlete, I was incredibly accurate throwing hand grenades too. Even today I can load a Sten automatic rifle in a single minute, blindfolded."

While she did train to be a sniper, "I never shot anybody,” she told People, “but I know how to use a gun and a hand grenade.”

Westheimer, at the age of 20, was hit by shrapnel during an attack in Jerusalem and unable to walk for several months, according to The Hollywood Reporter.

Contributing: Sharon Jayson, Maria Puente, Bill Keveney and Patrick Ryan, USA TODAY; Reuters

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